FTLR

I SMILE WHEN I THINK OF YOU BUT NOW THAT SUMMER IS ENDING SO IS OUR RELATIONSHIP WHICH SUCKS ASSSSSSSS!!!!! I REALLY DO WISH THAT I DIDNT HAVE TO GO AWAY TO COLLEGE BUT I DO...LETS GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING WHEN I ASK YOU TO PROM AND I GOT DENYED =[ BUT THE WEEKEND OF MAY 3RD WAS THE BEST YOU MADE SURE THAT I GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO CHILL WITH ME WHEN BEFORE I DIDNT BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMETHIN ABOUT YOU THAT I FELT IF I LET YOU IN I WOULD FEEL TO MUCH....BUT YOU CAME TO GET ME THAT FRIDAY NIGHT AND BROUGHT ME TO PICK OUT A MOVIE AT THE REDBOX AND THAN KEEP SAYING HOW WE SHOULD TAKE A ROAD TRIP TO NH AND I COULD HAVE SWOREN IF I DIDNT SAY NO YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT DRIVING =] AND WE WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE AND TRYED TO WATCH THE MOVIES BUT IT DIDNT WORK OUT THAT WELL BECAUSE YOU KEEP TRYING TO KISS ME I LET YOU BUT NOT AFTER A WHILE AND THAN WE STARTED TO FIGHT AND YOU PICKED ME UP AND DROPPED ME ON MY COUCH LOL AND THAN CHASED ME AROUND MY KITCHEN LOL AND WHEN YOU LEFT YOU KISSED ME GOODBYE AND TEXT ME THAT I WAS TO MUCH BUT YOUR GLAD . THE NEXT DAY YOU WOULD TEXT ME CHECKING ON HOW WORK WAS IT MADE ME FEEL SO HAPPY TO SEE IT WAS YOU TEXTING ME AND ON THAT SUNDAY MOTHERS DAY YOU CAME TO MY HOUSE AND HAD DINNER WITH MY MOM AND GRANDPARENTS AND THAN INVITED ME TO UR PARENTS BAR AND I DANCED WITH THEM AND YOU SMILLED BUT THE GAME WAS ON AND THATS WHEN I REALIZED THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME WATCH THE GAME EVERY TIME WE CHILLL UGH I WAS SO MAD BUT FOR YOU I WOULD DO IT. AFTER THAT WEEKEND WE CHILLED ALOT YOU WOUKD COME OVER AND WATCH THE GAME AND KEEP ASKING FOR MASSAGES LOL AND ONE TIME AT UR HOUSE IN THE BEGINNING WHERE WE WATCHED THE GAME AND WHEN WE WON YOU JUMPPED ON ME LOL AND UR BROTHER WALKED IN AND JUST STARED AND WALKED OUT LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.............SO ANYWAYS THE ENDING CAME ON A SATURDAY BEFORE YOU WENT ON VE=ACATION AND A WEEK BEFORE I WENT TO SCHOOL I WENT TO UR HOUSE FOR THE SECOND TIME AND I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS GOING TO MISS YOU AND YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO MISS ME BUT THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK I WISH I COULD BELIEVE YOU BUT I KNOW THAT ONCE IM GONE YOU WILL SOON FORGET ME BUT FOR NOW I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I REALLY DID FALL FOR THE GUY I MET IN A STORE WITH MY BESTFRIEEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this true??

Do you think that people want to be hurt....i do i think when things are to good they find some way to ruin it you could love someone with all Ur heart but than again you hurt them with words hands or actions but y i wonder why can you explain why....we live in a world that thrives on other peoples pain our own pain because we want someone to feel bad for you and this might be wrong but i want someone to feel bad for me because than i think that someone cares even if its for a second..........................................................................................................the sad truth

Music

music has brought out a side of me not shown to the public or to my closest friend when you here that song it makes Ur insides turn and tears fall from your eyes because somebody finally gets what Ur going through and put it in these words that makes Ur heart hurt. i depend on music because its somebody speaking to you with out judgement or that stupid thing someone does when they say they feel sorry for you but just doesn't care. music speaks truth the only truth that everyone can relate to. i go home and want to find that perfect song because i want to cry my eyes out with out anyone trying to say its OK or you should do this. people are full of shit because when it comes to feelings no one is honest they say one thing think another and do something else. when it comes to feelings everyone is afraid to show. I'M AFRAID TO SHOW anyone what i think because i don't want to be hurt i don't want rejection who really does........that's y i keep myself with music i depend on music and feel that once you hear that song just sing it out loud and cry out loud because crying cleanses the soul.....and my soul needs to be cleansed or else i just will be lost like everyone else

Damn!

It's hard to explain this thing that happens to me around guys it's just i wish i didn't need there attention as much as i do but i just cant help it when a guy gives me that look or holds me in his big arms pressed up against that body or when he kisses me and tells me that he loves the way i do that thing with my tongue....with moments like that it makes me want to bit my lip. i end up thinking that guys really do tell the truth so i fall hard for the ones that turn out to be completely wrong. i have recently met a guy that wow what can i say lets call him PROSTI..well prosti is such a gentle men i mean a real one he has met my family helped clean up paid for things and we are just friends mind you that. he is just so amazing he has treated me better than my ex it might sound wrong bad but its true so fuck it. prosti has made me smile and laugh and feel so sexually frustrated it kills me but i like it = ]. but than the worst possible thing you can imagine girls what do you think he said...."I'm not looking for a girl i really don't want one" FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe it he is such a nice person and than ends up being the ''''i don't want a GIRL TYPE.'''' i wanted to scream but than another hard ship came into play i don't think i like him that much the more i see him the more i just want his friendship he is super cute but doesn't give me the attention i want from my boyfriend. i want to be the first one he text the last call he makes i want to be kissed at random moments and i want him to have the nerve to make plans with me (so far he has made two) i really thought it could happen but I'm guessing things work out for a reason.....me and prosti will be friends because who really wants a MAN at COLLEGE?????????

CONFESSIONS!!

BREATHING IN AND OUT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY YOU STILL CROSS MY MIND WHY YOU STILL MAKE ME SMILE AND WHY YOU STILL MAKE ME CRY. I THOUGHT ONCE WE WERE DONE WE COULD JUST BE FRIENDS WE COULD BE CLOSE BUT WE CANT YOU HAVE MOVED ON AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I HAVENT I TRY SO FUCKING HARD TO I MAKE MY SELF NOT TALK TO YOU I MAKE MYSELF NOT TEXT YOU WHEN REALLY IM DYING TO BUT I CANT IT WOULDNT MAKE ANY SENSE TO TEXT YOU OR TALK TO YOU BECAUSE THAN I WOULD REALIZE THAT I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE AND LET YOU GO..BUT I DONT THINK THATS TRUE AND NIETHER DO YOU WE WERE GREAT ONCE BUT NOW THATS PAST AND MY PAST IS GOING TO STAY IN MY PAST!!!!

OH!!!!!

MY TEARS DRIP DOWN MY FACE LIKE ACID RAIN HOT AS FIREYOUR WORDS WOND AND CUT ME YOU DECITEFUL LIERWHY CAN'T YOU ADMIT THAT YOUR EYES MEANT SOMETHING WRONGTHEY GAZED AT ME IN DISGUST FOR MOMENTS SO LONG THOSE EYES THAT ONCE SHOWED ME LOVE AT ANY MOMENT STAREA STARE THAT UNMASKED MY HEART AND TOLD ME YOU DIDNT CAREDAYS GROW LONGER AND MOMENTS FADE AWAYTHE LOVE THAT WE SHARED ENDED THAT COLD DECEMBER DAY

UGHHH!!!!! WAY TO STRESSSSS

UgHhhh!!!! How do explain to people that you are stress do you have to wear it on your face like make-up post it on Ur door like what the fuck can i do I'm stress sooo much that i cant breathe my lungs feel like clasping my heart feels like dieing stop beating so that i will lay on the floor dead and see who cares...like sometimes i wanna go in my room and cry sometimes i wanna blast music so loud that I'm deaf and no one can talk to me again i want to be able to sit down in one place and just think to my self why? like why me and why now? but i cant life is not that easy that you can relax for one second to breathe..I'm stressed and depressed life has shown me enough of its true colors has shown me hate more than love what did i ever do to this world to get like this to have them treat me like this. my life is never really happy unless I'm hiding over a friends house or sleeping oh how i love sleep but than again Ur still lonely when you sleep..my issue is that i need some one here to help me and for every body to stop saying whats wrong and for that one person to know whats wrong and help me with it...OR I JUST NEED TO BE ALONE...

ARE YOU MAGNUM WORTHY?!?

Are you MAGNUM worthy?

But what does that really mean like if you can really be that BIG the companies make this OD big condoms for men that don't know how to use it or is to full of them self and used it tooooooo much and that's who we calls Man Hoessssss!!!!

I have figured that if men were meant to use there dicks they need to be like a 7'' or maybe 8'' if it is little they better be putting in the work i know they can there is no such thing as a minute man a good friend of mine said aka<<>> i really hope that it is true because i really do like it rough sounds really horny but great sex= a happy mangy and every body loves a happy mangy i don't wanna be mean cuz i haven't had sex in awhile lol but really i haven't done anything with the opposite sex in TEN MONTHS!!! omg that is the longest i have ever been with out it well since i have done it and it is not like it is easy to find people who wont open there mouth if you do it with them boys think that if you tell everyone it means that they are more manly well its not its just wack and you guys have nothing better to do but talk shit.I'm not saying girls don't do it but still leave the your business in the bed room where it started or the car or where ever you had it lol all I'm saying guys you put in the work good than it dont matter if your magnum worthy or not just put the work and girls will do the same..sex is good have it but be safe don't think you wont get pergo you will and its not cool BE SAFE USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME =]

RELATIONSHIPSSSS

A relationship gone sour

How does something so simple turn into something so terrible. a relation starts as a little flower that just is a little seed but with a little love and caring it grows into this beautiful lively thing....but happens when things get sour what happens when IT don't work out the way you plan ... you become stuck in this rut that you cant get out of. what can you do when i person you love just doesn't make you smile the way they did before they don't call you BABIIE anymore they don't smile when they see you or kiss you with your eyes closed. what can you do do you leave him the person you have always wanted but now he has changed or do you stay out of guilt that you don't want to leave just because of you just because you want to. but you cant stay if your unhappy can you? you have to do whats right for you let the person you love find his own in life and hope for the best....i wish that it was that easy i wish i could forget all the words you said to me... the I LOVE YOU i would hear everyday.. those looks you would give me and that you told me i was one for you and with out you i would DIE.... ARE YOU SERIOUS...how can you leave a person who says that to you how can you tell them its over how can you tell them that you don't feel the same way that you apparently FELL OUT OF LOVE!!!! but how is that possible to fall out of love i wish i could change the way i feel i wish i could go back to that October day where i said i wanted to go out with you and you said i would love you... you smiled and kissed me my eyes closed tight my heart fluttered and i knew than i would spent my life with you..OR that's what i planned that was my plan i wanted to be with you but things change i changed i didn't want to because now i feel alone and left out to melt like an ice cream on a hot day but my day will come and i will find my true match and if it doesn't happen i will always have the people i love to hold me close when no one else would

My QuEsTiOn Of ThE dAy.....

OMG..that's what i have been saying all day.the unexpected thingss that happen every day give me a feeling like there is something else out there because who really knows whats going to happen next who really decides the future of all of us. i know its not me and I'm the last person you should ever ask "why did this happen to me" trust me i get allot of that already my name is MaNgY and I'm wondering is this really the life that was mapped out for me or did i take a wrong turn?