Music

music has brought out a side of me not shown to the public or to my closest friend when you here that song it makes Ur insides turn and tears fall from your eyes because somebody finally gets what Ur going through and put it in these words that makes Ur heart hurt. i depend on music because its somebody speaking to you with out judgement or that stupid thing someone does when they say they feel sorry for you but just doesn't care. music speaks truth the only truth that everyone can relate to. i go home and want to find that perfect song because i want to cry my eyes out with out anyone trying to say its OK or you should do this. people are full of shit because when it comes to feelings no one is honest they say one thing think another and do something else. when it comes to feelings everyone is afraid to show. I'M AFRAID TO SHOW anyone what i think because i don't want to be hurt i don't want rejection who really does........that's y i keep myself with music i depend on music and feel that once you hear that song just sing it out loud and cry out loud because crying cleanses the soul.....and my soul needs to be cleansed or else i just will be lost like everyone else

Damn!

It's hard to explain this thing that happens to me around guys it's just i wish i didn't need there attention as much as i do but i just cant help it when a guy gives me that look or holds me in his big arms pressed up against that body or when he kisses me and tells me that he loves the way i do that thing with my tongue....with moments like that it makes me want to bit my lip. i end up thinking that guys really do tell the truth so i fall hard for the ones that turn out to be completely wrong. i have recently met a guy that wow what can i say lets call him PROSTI..well prosti is such a gentle men i mean a real one he has met my family helped clean up paid for things and we are just friends mind you that. he is just so amazing he has treated me better than my ex it might sound wrong bad but its true so fuck it. prosti has made me smile and laugh and feel so sexually frustrated it kills me but i like it = ]. but than the worst possible thing you can imagine girls what do you think he said...."I'm not looking for a girl i really don't want one" FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe it he is such a nice person and than ends up being the ''''i don't want a GIRL TYPE.'''' i wanted to scream but than another hard ship came into play i don't think i like him that much the more i see him the more i just want his friendship he is super cute but doesn't give me the attention i want from my boyfriend. i want to be the first one he text the last call he makes i want to be kissed at random moments and i want him to have the nerve to make plans with me (so far he has made two) i really thought it could happen but I'm guessing things work out for a reason.....me and prosti will be friends because who really wants a MAN at COLLEGE?????????